Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
