Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
