so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
