So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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