dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So squirting runs in the family.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
