so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
