Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
