I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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