There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
