is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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