apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
