on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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