I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
