We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
