Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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