Can Purell be used as lube?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
