Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
