I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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