Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
