fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
