we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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