The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
