i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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