I just cut my nipple shaving
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
