When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
