So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
