ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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