He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
