Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
