Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
