My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
