I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
