i don't like sucking hair
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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