he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
