Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
