May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
