Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
that's an acceptable place to lick
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
