She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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