Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
