cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
