there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
