the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
