I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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