You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
