Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
