I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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