Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
