I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
