sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
