I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
